Ho'oponopono: The Thermodynamics of Forgiveness

Ho'oponopono: The Thermodynamics of Forgiveness

You’re Forgiving All Wrong

Let’s get one thing straight: forgiveness, as you know it, is bullshit. Seriously. This idea of magnanimously pardoning someone who wronged you, as if you’re some benevolent king on a throne of moral superiority? It’s a trap. It’s a backward-looking, ego-driven fantasy that keeps you stuck in the past, tethered to a narrative of victimhood. You think you’re letting them off the hook, but you’ve actually got the damn hook in yourself, and it’s dragging you deeper into the abyss of your own resentment.

You’re not letting go. You’re just tightening the knot. Every time you replay the story, every time you congratulate yourself on your capacity for grace, you’re just adding another layer of energetic cement to the prison you’ve built for yourself. The past doesn’t exist. It’s a ghost, a phantom limb you keep trying to scratch. And by focusing on it, you’re actively choosing to waste precious energy that you could be using to build a better future.

So, what if I told you there’s a better way? A way that has nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with you and your own energy management. A way that’s not about psychology, but about physics. It’s a Hawaiian practice called Ho'oponopono, and it’s about to change the way you think about everything.

The Problem: Your Grudge is an Energy Sink

You hold onto grudges like they’re precious heirlooms. That asshole who cut you off in traffic. The boss who took credit for your work. The ex who shattered your heart into a million pieces. You carry these stories around, polishing them until they gleam with the righteousness of your pain. But what are you actually holding onto?

You’re holding onto a state of high entropy. A pocket of disorder in your own system. In the language of thermodynamics, you’ve created a closed system, a little bubble of chaos where energy can’t flow freely. You’re violating the fundamental principle of life, which is to be a far-from-equilibrium system, constantly exchanging energy with your environment to create and maintain order.

My mentor, the legendary Dr. Bob Melamede, a man who looked like a stoned-out hippie but had a PhD in biochemistry, used to say that life exists at the edge of chaos. We are dissipative structures, constantly taking in energy, using it to build complexity, and releasing the rest as heat. That’s how we defy the second law of thermodynamics, which states that everything in the universe tends toward disorder, or entropy. We’re in a constant dance with chaos, and the moment we stop dancing, we’re dead.

When you hold a grudge, you’re essentially creating a tiny, localized heat death in your own being. You’re building a wall, stopping the flow of energy, and allowing entropy to win. You’re becoming a Backward-Looking Person (BLP), obsessed with a past that is no longer real, instead of a Forward-Looking Person (FLP), who adapts, evolves, and flows with the arrow of time.

"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

This isn’t just a metaphor. It’s a biological reality. That resentment, that anger, that bitterness—it’s a chronic stressor. It floods your body with cortisol, dysregulates your endocannabinoid system (the body’s master regulator), and creates a state of chronic inflammation. You’re literally making yourself sick over something that is over. How’s that for a winning strategy?

The Application: How to Practice Ho'oponopono

This isn’t some abstract intellectual exercise. This is a practical tool you can use every single day. Here’s how to do it:

1. Identify the grudge. Think of someone or something that’s taking up space in your head. It could be a person, an event, or even a part of yourself that you’re angry with.
2. Find a quiet space. You don’t need a special cushion or a fancy altar. Just a place where you can be alone with your thoughts for a few minutes.
3. Bring the person or event to mind. Don’t dwell on the details of the story. Just bring the feeling, the energetic signature of the grudge, into your awareness.
4. Repeat the four phrases. Say them out loud or in your head. It doesn’t matter. What matters is the intention behind them. Feel the meaning of each phrase as you say it.
5. Keep repeating. Do it until you feel a shift. It might be a feeling of lightness, a sense of release, or just a subtle change in your emotional state. Don’t force it. Just allow it to happen.

I’m not going to lie to you. This isn’t always easy. Sometimes the grudge is deep, and the pain is real. I’ve had to use this on everything from business deals gone bad to the deepest personal betrayals. There have been times when I’ve had to repeat the mantra for hours, days, even weeks, before I felt a real release. But every single time, it has worked. Every single time, it has brought me back to a state of flow.

The Takeaway: Your Action Items

Stop waiting for an apology that’s never going to come. Stop wasting your energy on a past that you can’t change. It’s time to take responsibility for your own energetic well-being. Here’s your homework:

• Pick one grudge. Just one. The one that’s been eating at you the most.
• Practice Ho'oponopono for five minutes every day for a week. That’s it. Five minutes. You can do it in the shower, on your commute, or before you go to bed.
• Pay attention to what happens. Notice any shifts in your mood, your energy levels, or your perspective. Don’t judge it. Just observe.

This isn’t about becoming a saint. It’s about becoming a more efficient, more adaptive, and more powerful human being. It’s about learning to manage your own energy so you can stop being a victim of circumstance and start being the creator of your own reality.

Closing

Forgiveness isn’t about them. It’s about you. It’s about cleaning your own house, managing your own energy, and getting back into the flow. It’s about recognizing that you are a far-from-equilibrium system, and your only job is to keep dancing at the edge of chaos. So, stop holding onto the past. Stop being a BLP. It’s time to let that shit go.