Know Thy True Self

Know Thy True Self

Who the hell are you? No, not the version your parents programmed into you. Not the one your teachers, your boss, or your spouse expects. Who are you? The real you, underneath all the layers of social conditioning and bullshit expectations. If you can’t answer that question in a heartbeat, you’re building your life on a foundation of sand. And when the storms of life come—and they will come—it’s all going to wash away.

Most of you are living a life that isn’t yours. You’re playing a role in a movie you didn’t write, direct, or even audition for. You’re a background actor in your own damn life. And you wonder why you feel empty, anxious, and perpetually dissatisfied. You’re chasing goals that aren’t yours, dreaming dreams that were planted in your head by someone else, and wondering why fulfillment feels like a moving target you can never hit.

It’s time to wake up. It’s time to stop sleepwalking through a life that was handed to you and start creating the one you were meant to live.

The Problem: The Myth of the Pre-Packaged Self

From the moment you’re born, you’re being told who to be. Your parents have a vision for you. Society has a neat little box it wants you to fit into. The education system is designed to churn out compliant workers, not self-actualized individuals. You’re handed a script and told to learn your lines. Be a doctor. Be a lawyer. Get married. Buy a house. Have 2.5 kids. Follow the rules. Don’t rock the boat.

This is the great lie of modern life: that your identity is something to be found, not created. That there’s a pre-packaged, one-size-fits-all version of “you” waiting to be discovered if you just follow the map. Bullshit. That map leads to a place called Mediocrity, population: almost everyone.

The self you’re looking for is not a destination. It’s a constant, dynamic process of becoming.

We’re taught to seek equilibrium, to find balance, to achieve a state of comfortable stasis. But life, real life, doesn’t happen in equilibrium. As the great Dr. Bob Melamede taught me, life exists in a state that is far-from-equilibrium. It’s a chaotic, messy, beautiful dance on the edge of disorder. And your true self can only be found in that dance.

Trying to live in a state of perfect balance is a recipe for stagnation. It’s an attempt to deny the fundamental nature of the universe. It’s a backward-looking-person (BLP) move. You’re trying to hold onto a fixed, stable version of yourself that doesn’t exist. You’re fighting against the arrow of time, trying to swim against a current that only flows in one direction. It’s a losing battle.

The Application: How to Find Your Fucking Self

So how do you do it? How do you stop being a background actor and start being the star of your own movie? It’s not about navel-gazing or going on a spiritual retreat to “find yourself.” It’s about action. It’s about experimentation. It’s about embracing the discomfort of the unknown.

Embracing discomfort and stepping into the unknown often means challenging long-held beliefs. For me, this came in the form of an unexpected experience with cannabis. Surrounded by a group of thoughtful, accomplished individuals, I found myself questioning the stereotypes I had carried for years. Trying it for the first time, I realized that my fears were largely unfounded—my sense of self remained intact, and the experience was far more subtle than I had imagined. This moment of reassessment opened the door to a broader exploration of new ideas and perspectives, setting the stage for the significant changes I would soon make in my life.

So I blew it all up. I stepped away from the company I had built. I started exploring new ideas, new passions. I dove deep into the science of thermodynamics and the endocannabinoid system. I started writing and speaking about things that had nothing to do with weed. It was terrifying. I had no idea who I was without that identity. But in that chaos, in that uncertainty, I found a new self. A more authentic self. A self that was more aligned with who I was becoming, not who I had been.

This is the process. It’s not a one-time event. It’s a lifelong commitment to staying in that far-from-equilibrium state. It’s about constantly asking yourself: Is this still me? Is this still true? Or am I just playing a role that I’ve outgrown?

The Takeaway: Your Action Items for Self-Creation

Ready to get your hands dirty? Here’s your homework. No more excuses. No more waiting for the “right time.” The time is now.

1. Conduct a “Bullshit Audit.” Get a piece of paper and a pen. Write down all the things you believe about yourself. Your values. Your goals. Your identity. Now, for each one, ask yourself: Is this really mine? Or is this something I inherited from my parents, my teachers, my culture? Be brutally honest. Cross out everything that isn’t 100% you. It’s going to be a shorter list than you think.
2. Embrace the Void. Look at that shorter list. That’s the real you. Or at least, the seed of the real you. It’s probably going to feel scary and empty. Good. That’s the void of possibility. That’s the blank canvas on which you can create your masterpiece. Don’t rush to fill it with new bullshit. Sit with the discomfort. Get to know it. It’s where the magic happens.
3. Run Experiments. Your life is your laboratory. Start running experiments. Try new things. Learn new skills. Read books on topics you know nothing about. Talk to people who are different from you. Travel to places that make you uncomfortable. The goal is not to find the “right” answer. The goal is to gather data. To see what resonates with you. To see what makes you feel alive.
4. Listen to Your ECS. Your body knows the truth. That gut feeling? That’s your endocannabinoid system talking to you. It’s telling you whether you’re moving toward or away from your true self. When you’re on the right path, you’ll feel it. You’ll feel a sense of flow, of excitement, of rightness. When you’re on the wrong path, you’ll feel it too. You’ll feel anxious, drained, and out of alignment. Learn to trust that internal guidance system. It will never steer you wrong.

This isn’t easy. It’s the hardest work you’ll ever do. But it’s the only work that matters. Everything else is just a distraction.